There are really days that you just wanna lie down and do nothing, eat a lot of food and be a total bummer.
I work at home, and I get unmotivated at times. Imagine, spending most of the day in front of a monitor. What could be more draining? Having no workmates kinda sucks. Just having the time freedom is what’s keeping me positive about it (and the fact that soon, I maybe traveling the world and making the Fiji beaches my office. Oh God, let’s fast forward to that, please).
Have you ever felt the same way? Have you ever thought about not attending your work, calling in sick and just sleep and watch Netflix all day? Have you ever felt like you can’t do anything productive, and you tell yourself that you should just stop trying harder to achieve your dreams? Have you ever felt so tired that you wish that you are a dog? Dogs just sleep, eat and play all day. It’s fun to be a dog. I envy them at times.
Well, I do. There are really days that I wish I was somewhere at the moment, sipping coconut juice in a white sand beach, just that I can’t because I have a lot of things to accomplish first.
Whenever I feel this way, I would fall into this self-loathing situation and just feel shitty about myself. (Have you ever felt that way too?) I was like, “Come on Janine! What are you doing you worthless human being?” I would always have this negative self talk and make myself feel like I haven’t been doing anything right at all.
Getting motivated. Producing stuff. Loving myself. Getting tired and uninspired. Hating myself. Stopping what I’m doing. Being bum for days. Getting inspired and motivated. Producing stuff. Repeat all over again. This shitty cycle kept on happening, until one day I realized something.
I realized that there is one thing in that cycle that is totally out of hand. That was the hating myself part. I am always this person who’s like, “Love yourself.” or “Take care of yourself.”, and here I am, hating who I am for not being able to produce anything (and only because I’m tired and uninspired, which is totally normal. How harsh can people be to themselves?).
So I paused. Had myself in check. What am I feeling? What have I been doing wrong? I had to know.
I get my journal and wrote. I let go of all the thoughts and feelings I have, every single one of it. I let go of my hate, my frustrations, everything that seems to be standing in my way.
After reading what I wrote, I realized what my problem really is. I feel uninspired because I am forgetting why I’m doing this in the first place.
I’m forgetting that I made this blog because I wanted to help a lot of women take care of themselves, cope up with life, practice intentional living, and find happiness and balance. I blog because many women wants to live a better life, and I had to share to them how to do it.
But that’s not what’s happening now. It’s more like just me thinking of finishing a post and just getting it over with, just so I can say that I’m productive, I did my job and I’m not a failure. I wasn’t looking at the bigger picture – the lives that may be affected by my writing. It became all about me and my ego, and not about what the people needed to hear.
And as I write, I realized that I was being too hard on myself. I was hating myself unreasonably. I am making myself pay, for not being able to produce, instead of supporting and encouraging myself more. I realized how dangerous this habit of self-doubt and self-loathing is causing me to be more unfocused on my purpose and uninspired to write.
So I created a new cycle. Getting motivated. Producing stuff. Loving myself. Getting tired and uninspired. Loving, understanding and encouraging myself. Praying for inspiration. Getting inspired. Producing stuff. Repeat. (Much better, eh?)
If we haven’t been feeling all amazing and admiring about ourselves, that’s not a reason to be hard on us and start hating on us. It’s a reason to love and care for ourselves more, because we needed it the most in those times. We needed someone to pat our backs and tell us “It’s gonna be okay. You can do this.” and the first person to do that should be us.
I realized, if I couldn’t believe in myself, then who will? I cannot depend that on someone else. Only me can decide if I am worth loving, worth believing and I know I’m worth those. I know I can do this, because I have myself and God.
After believing in myself again, after praying for strength, and recalling my big why for doing all of this, there I am all fired up, ready to work again. It’s like magic.
From now on, I promise myself to start being more considerate to myself, and start loving me more. That is the only way that I will feel motivated and energized again.
Do you feel tired and uninspired? Remind yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing. Have your feelings in check. Do you encourage yourself or do you hate yourself? Be more mindful of how you treat you. When was the last time you showed love for you? Do you think you’re the best? Or do you make yourself feel bad? Remember, you should always be your number 1 fan and supporter. Be there for you through the good and the bad. And don’t forget to pray for instant recharging. Good luck!