Keep Searching

Posted on Posted in Intentional Living, Self-love

Let me quote Steve Jobs as an introduction to this post: “The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”

I live by the mantra “Keep searching.”

Whether it’s the college course I’d take, the company I’ll work for, the love of my life, or the perfect ice cream flavor for my current mood, I always make it a serious job to search for it, and I don’t stop and settle until I get what my heart – and tummy – desires the most. It’s either I get the thing that I really want or I get nothing at all. If I don’t know what I want yet, I’ll keep searching until I find out what it is I’m looking for.

The search for my career path

I took 4 courses in college. Yep. I took Accountancy, then English, then Communication Arts until finally, Advertising. It was a total waste of time and money, or so most people would think. It’s not the very smart thing to do but looking back now, I have no regrets for it lead me to the best field I could ever be in. I took accountancy because I am good at math, but when I was taking it already, I couldn’t imagine myself balancing sheets for the rest of my life. The perks of taking the course is there, but the passion wasn’t. I told myself that if I were to do something for a long-term basis, I should be happy doing it. I shifted to AB English because I love writing and creating stories, and I wanna improve more, but on my second semester, the course was dissolved, forcing me again to shift to another course. So not meant to be. I took Communication Arts since it’s the closest thing to English, but I decided I didn’t like it, so I shifted to Advertising because I thought, business and writing is both my forte. I wasn’t actually aware that Advertising is a world of artists and I was the worst student in class because all of them does graphics like gods and here I am drawing stick figures in Adobe Illustrator. But it was a great feeling, exploring a side of me that I never really knew I had in me. Plus, advertising is divided between Accounts and Creatives, and I excel in the Accounts side, so not bad. Today, I’m pretty much improving on my graphic designing skills, loving art and creativity, and the course feeds my love of making websites (yes, I love a lot of things that’s why it’s hard to decide what to do). Now, I have my own freelancing website hiring Filipino women (girl power!) and I designed it, handled the advertising and everything. That’s when I was able to connect the dots. God brought me in Advertising because it’s something I’m not very familiar with, and it’s what I’ll be needing in the future, which is right now as we speak. Because he knows I’m addicted to traveling and he knows I don’t want to work in an office, he brought me to a field where I can actually work on my own and be my own boss, so that I can travel and work at the same time. Still the most amazing revelation of my life. I’m not saying I’m already successful but I’m working on it. And that’s what really matters right?

The search for my purpose

I was 17 when I started my soul searching. I was lucky because I was very young when I met God and when I discovered the reasons why I exist in this earth. It was because I was 17 when everything in my life started falling apart. People that I love the most hurt me, people who I thought were friends left, and my perception about everything went to the dump. I no longer have an identity. Nothing is permanent anymore. I left home and was alone for a time. I searched for something I didn’t know what is. Until I met God. I was so alone and scared and he showed up. He showed up when I have no one. Then he made me realize that the reality we refer to in this world is actually just illusions. My most peaceful days is my alone time with God. And then I realized that people should feel that very amazing feeling of peace, especially women who are going through a lot in their lives. I figured out that my purpose in life is to spread his love to women who had been at their downest times. Why not make them smile? They should experience how awesome God is. So I made this blog, not only to empower women, but also to introduce them to God.

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The search for the love of my life

I never really searched for the love of my life. He just happened. I got my heart badly broken by a jerk ex-boyfriend, which made me a misandrist then. I hated ALL men. I despise them. Guys would court me and chase me and I would say no. I told myself that I won’t enter a relationship if I feel that I’m not ready yet. There is that feeling of finding something within me. I know a lot of you can relate. The feeling of emptiness and being able to fill it up, but I am very sure that it shouldn’t be filled up by a guy’s presence. It’s the most dangerous thing that one can do – depending their disposition on some other human being. Then I realize, that emptiness was love. I was empty with love. I did not feel loved by anyone. My family hurt me. My “friends” left me. And God was the only one who was there. I felt his love and that’s the most perfect feeling ever. It was what filled the emptiness perfectly. That’s the time when my heart opened up.  A lot of things happened. Next thing I know is I’m entertaining this guy who I met through a friend who, after meeting me, persisted his way through my heart. After a year of being friends, we both decided we have found the one through each other. It might sound cheesy, but yes, forever exists. True love really waits and you just have to trust God’s time.

The search for God

It wasn’t planned. He just appeared out of nowhere. I know there is a God, but our connection was very shallow. He appeared when I was fed up with life and I called out to him asking for change. What I found out was, God speaks to us everyday, just indirectly. He speaks to me through songs, books and  people. He speaks to me through his creations. He speaks to me through the smell of trees, the sound of waves, the sounds of the animals and the beauty of the mountains. He tells me things like, “life is not what you think it is” or “the world is limitless”. He speaks to us everyday but we are just not aware because of the many voices that we hear. So how did I know that it’s God who spoke to me then? I knew that it’s God when I was the one who approached him. I knew it was him when I asked him something and answers were given. I knew it was him when my soul felt the connection. I knew it was him when suddenly I was at peace.  And I knew it was him when I felt loved. Meeting God is the most successful moment of my life.

Searching is not easy, but I believe that it’s what is needed to be done. Not everyone finds whatever it is they’re looking for, simply because they weren’t seeking it, or they gave up on doing so, or maybe they weren’t at all aware that something needs to be searched for. That’s also why not everyone is living the life they’ve always dreamed of. Are you one of these people? Have you settled with what’s being given on your plate as it is? Or are you one of the bold ones who explore through the uncertainty, searching for the most precious things about life? You know, you create your own reality, right? Do you create it or do you accept what’s being handed to you?

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