Hello Lilies! I’m engaged! I’m trying to contain myself for almost a month now but the happiness is just too much I couldn’t keep it a secret! (I told you so! Being a lily gets you the ring! You’re always welcome to join the club. It’s not too late! 😉 )
I and my fiancé are 2 years and 5 months now in our relationship, and we decided to tie the knot a month ago, for 2 reasons. The first one is that we wanted to make things smoothly as it can be, once we start traveling the world next year (we’ve been planning this for years now) and we want to organize all the documents (IDs and passports and stuff) so that we won’t have a problem once we go on to our journey. The second reason came to us later on in the engagement. We realized we really are getting married because we can’t live without each other. *kilig*
But before we came into this state where both of us are perfectly calm and contained, a lot of conversations happened between us, and we were freaking out at first. Mostly I, freaked out. And why wouldn’t I? I’m 23 and I’m marrying a 24 year old guy this November 25 in a civil wedding (church wedding will be somewhere in 2017 or 2018). But then after all these talks, we realized a lot of things, and we loved each other even more. Here are some of our conversations before we stopped being anxious about everything.
Canvassing for wedding gown
Me: *asking for renting prices in a boutique*
Gianpaolo (fiancé): That’s cheap baby. I don’t want that. I want it custom made, with great quality materials. We have to buy it. No renting.
Me: yayy okay.
Nice to know we have the same thoughts in mind haha.
Deciding the wedding date
Me: I say 2018 baby. Let’s make it a 2-year engagement.
G: Nope. I say 2017.
Me: Too soon. We have a lot of our plans to think about babe.
G: Eeee. If we can in 2017, then it’s 2017.
Someone’s too excited. 😂😂😂
Making the guest list
Me: I want it to be an intimate one. Just family and close friends.
G: I do too.
Me & G: *enumerating people we want to invite ending up with 100+ guests*
Me & G: WTF. We’re gonna need to work extra hard to feed all these people.
Something that almost broke our engagement off
Me: Babe. Will you ever cheat on me? I mean if we got married, we’ll be together maybe up to 70+ years. Do you think you would?
G: Do you really want an honest answer?
Me: Of course.
G: Well, I will never ever want to. But there is very little possibility. I mean, anything can happen. But I’m telling you I will do anything to never allow it. I will make sure we won’t spend time apart and let an opportunity slip in.
Me: What if we have to be away from each other for a year? Do you think we can make it? Or do you think you will cheat on me?
G: That won’t happen because I won’t let that happen. I’m telling you, we will never be away from each other.
Me: But what if it’s necessary? Let’s say I have to leave for work?
G: Then I’ll come with you. That’s for sure.
Me: Why? Can’t you stay faithful to me if we’re apart?
G: Let me tell you this. Did you know why I chose to work near you? Why I resigned from that job? Besides the main fact that I want to be closer to you and I want to be with you always, I found myself getting attracted to this girl from work. When I felt that, I realize I never wanted to be far from you because I don’t like it when things like that happen.
Me: Wait what? Is this the girl that you have a picture of with your workmates in your tagged photos but didn’t allow on your wall’s timeline?
G: Hmm yes.
Me: I saw those pictures, and I wondered if you like her because she’s cute. But I told myself that you don’t because I wanted to trust you. But it looks like my gut has always been telling me the truth.
G: Babe, it was just a crush. She’s pretty and she likes me. That’s it. I didn’t do anything. I didn’t flirt with her. And I left work to be near you. Doesn’t that say anything?
Me: Do you really have to leave work to prove that to me? Can’t you just block her out? What if you have to stay? Will you continue on liking her? Why didn’t you tell me about this?
G: Babe, this is why I’m telling you I won’t let anything happen that would make it possible.
Me: Is it really hard to firmly decide to just not cheat on me? Despite the possibilities? Why would I want to marry you if there is even a slight chance of you cheating on me? That’s my point.
G: Then I will decide. I’m changing that. I will never cheat on you babe. I will do anything for you.
I was really freaking out that time. We were engaged. And I’m going to marry this guy. Every little things became big. Never mind the fact that getting attracted to other people is very normal. Thing is, he didn’t tell me about this girl. I am really freaking out. This was a year ago. Why wouldn’t he disclose this information? Does she matter? We were outside my parents’ house that time. I stopped our conversation because I was becoming overly emotional so I went inside our house. I had to think first. I went to my room and thought about the situation. We left my parents’ house that night and went home to my place. We were in the bedroom and I told him I wasn’t sure if I still want to go through this anymore. He left for work the next morning and I cut all contact. I didn’t answer his calls and texts. 2 days after that, I messaged him. I told him everything that I needed to say. How I wanted a husband who will never ever make me an option. How I wanted to be with someone who will love me, and only me. It was a long message. He’s seen the message but he didn’t send me a reply. I fell asleep. I woke up with a knock on my door, from a guy carrying Jollibee and his sorry and loving face.
G: Baby I’m really sorry. I will never cheat on you. I don’t ever want to hurt you. Please, marry me.
Me: Okay. I’m sorry too.
He also explained that he didn’t tell me about this girl because, besides the fact that she doesn’t matter, I told him not to tell me things like that since we were in a long distance relationship then and I don’t wanna go paranoid. Oops. My bad. The engagement was on again.
About freaking out
Me: Baby, hadn’t it cross your mind, that after this, we won’t get to date anyone else other than us? No sex with other people, forever. Aren’t you freaked out about that thought?
G: Well, I’ve thought about that too, but I didn’t freak out. I realized that it’s not about the amount of girls I’ll have sex with. It’s the feeling of happiness that I will feel. And what will I still look for? I’m very happy with you. And damn, you’re all the woman I want… (insert some sexy stuff here haha)
Me: Aren’t you freaked out that after this, there’s no turning back? That after this, you’ll be stuck with me forever?
Me: Really? You don’t feel what I feel? You’re not scared? You don’t feel panicky?
Me: Maybe not yet. Like Chandler (TV Show Friends). He freaked out only the day before his and Monica’s wedding. Then they couldn’t find them on the day itself. 😛
G:No, really bb. It’s just you.
Me: So what are you feeling?
Me: You’re not scared?
G: No. Because nothing will change. We get married or not, you’re still the girl I want to travel with. You’re the person I want to be with. The difference is, you’ll never get away from me ever, hahaha.
Me: (kilig inside)
We talked about a lot of things before we were able to calm our nerves down. And when we did, we just realized how sure we are about each other.
I really thank God for giving me this guy. 4 years of waiting, being single, being happy alone and making the best out of my single life is so worth it. ❤ I’m so lucky because I am marrying the most responsible, mature, independent and loving man. Someone who cares so much, but gives me space and balance so I could work on my own dreams while we make ours happen. I promise myself to make him happy the way he makes me. ❤❤❤
Just feeling so overwhelmed with the feeling of happiness. 😍