How Men Want to be Loved (The Dos and Don’ts)

Posted on Posted in Relationships

Men are simple. The reason why women find them hard to understand is because women think in a different and more complex way than males. According to Stephen Harvey, for you to make your man happy, you have to understand how he loves because men and women are different in their way of showing their love for each other.

Here are some guides in loving your guy the right way.

1. Appreciate him.

Men feel empowered by your simple genuine thanks. Whenever he does something to please you, and you are happy about it, he feels strong. He feels that he is doing something right. His efforts are not wasted. This motivates him to do more for you. Even the simplest thoughtful things he does like opening the door for you and massaging your back, make sure to acknowledge it. Lines like, “You are so thoughtful for being such a gentleman. I really appreciate that honey.”, will make him want to buy you flowers.

2. Show that you adore him.

Men wants to feel like they’re the most wonderful thing in your eyes. They want a woman who will be there by their side who makes them feel good about themselves. Never forget to mention that you love his values, taste, commitment to work and so on (if you really do love these qualities about them). Compliment his biceps, ‘coz he built it for you.

3. See past his flaws.

Your men isn’t perfect, so every once in a while, he might do something that could piss you off. If he’s constantly late, accidentally says stupid and nonsense things to impress you, never cleans the house, but loves you to death, don’t create a big fuss about it. Accept it because that’s how love should be. Simply adjust to it. Keep calm. You can always compromise.

4. Trust him. Some people wouldn’t trust someone unless he’s proven that he’s worthy of that trust. The truth is, you have to believe in him first. If you make him feel valued and you believe that he’s a good person, most likely he will take care of that trust and will try to never do something that would break that.

5. Be an independent and secured woman. Men love freedom. They find life interesting that’s why they are always on the go. Men are independent because they know that being able to stand on your own two feet is power. That’s why they find independent women to be sexy because powerful is sexy. Independent women gave them freedom and time for themselves because these women are secured with themselves. She believes that she’s a gem, and this man would not dare to cheat on her if she gave him his time without her. This make men feel trusted. If they feel locked up and controlled, this emasculates them, will make them disrespect you and take you for granted.

6. Make him feel that he’s your hero. Men need to feel manly. A lot of independent women think that they can handle everything that they don’t bother asking help from men. Men need to do things for women like open doors, pay for dinner, because they are the aggressors. Men pursues women. Allow your man to be the man and you be a princess. Let him cook for you once in a while, open doors and jars for you, kill the cockroach that you’re scared of, and pay the dinner bill.

7. Be fun! Men love fun and they know that they’ll be happy with someone who he could enjoy being around with. When they grow old, mostly it’s all chat and cuddle, so you have to be someone pleasant to be around.

8. Be his cheerleader. Men want emotional connection. He wants someone who will be with him through good and bad times. He wants to be with someone whom he can trust, and whom he can show his real self. He wants someone to support him and make him feel motivated to provide for the relationship. Being a supportive partner will make him think about a future with you.

9. Be a challenge. The art of seduction requires a little bit of elusiveness, so, be busy and not always accessible. Have other things you’re fond of other than him. Be interesting. Be independent and have your own life. This is not playing hard-to-get. Be hard to get for real. This will keep him putting effort in you.


We’re done with the dos. Now let’s start talking about what you shouldn’t do because these things pisses them off, and sometimes, they would end up in resenting you and falling out of love with you. That’s just, sad.

1. Don’t tell him what to do.

Men know what they want. Maybe you just wanna be helpful, or maybe you’re getting impatient because he isn’t doing something you like, but even though this is the case, you still shouldn’t give him the to-dos.  What you can only do is be patient and understanding. When he’s driving, don’t tell him he’s going the wrong way. Let him enjoy the ride. Don’t tell him to eat. Don’t tell him to take a bath. Stop being a mommy because he’s not your little boy. You’ll only emasculate him. Don’t tell him to bring you flowers, or take you out on dates. He should be the one deciding that and if he really loves you, he’ll do things to make you happy. If he isn’t, maybe he’s not that in love. Don’t tell him to stop seeing his girl “friends”. If you really don’t like it, just tell him you’re uncomfortable in a nice way, and see what he’ll do. If he wouldn’t do something about it, either control your feelings and live with it, or break up with him, but never tell him what to do. I remember when I told my boyfriend how I feel uncomfortable whenever he talks to girls (because he’s a charming and friendly guy), and that I even suggested breaking up because I think we’re incompatible because he can’t seem to understand how much I don’t like it. What he did is he stopped being overly entertaining to other girls and he becomes sensitive with my feelings. He even told me he’s allergic to other girls, and teases me by literally enumerating all the people he’s with, when we’re not together. You can suggest something, you can ask for a favor, and you can only tell him what to do if he asked your opinion, but never tell him what he should be doing. You have no idea how big time that could piss him off. You have to make him feel that you trust his every actions.

2.Don’t embarrass him in front of other people.

If there is something he did that put you off, and there are other people with you, you might want to wait until you’re alone and tell him that you didn’t like what he did. This is where your respect for him would enter. The pain this would cause him is too much and will make him disrespect you too. If you notice, most relationships tend to shake when situations like this happens, and men’s response would be to be silent and cold. Stop being an inconsiderate bitch and be more sensitive.

3.Don’t compare him to other men.

If you compare your man to others, he will not feel special. Nobody wants to feel ordinary, especially in the eyes of the woman she loves, right? If you constantly compare him to others, he’ll lose interest and will find a woman who will make him feel special. Put your feet on his shoes. Do you like it when you’re ordinary?

4. Don’t depend your happiness on him.

You should be happy on your own. You two may be are one, but you still have separate lives and separate energies. If you’re gloomy or having a bad day, don’t burden him with your whines. If you really are going through something big and depressing, you might want to solve your issues yourself and seek help from other outlets that could give useful solutions to it. Try stress busters like meditating! Get your shit together on your own. Otherwise, you’ll suck out all his energy.That’s just inconsiderate, don’t you think? Lilies are not selfish. If you try to control your emotions, eventually, he’ll sense  something’s wrong and he’d buy you donuts because he wants you to feel better and he wants to be your hero. This time you can tell him what you’re going through but don’t be too dramatic and in full details. Just tell him his hugs is enough therapy already.

5. Don’t nag.

No matter how much you are pissed, and no matter how hurt you are, you don’t nag. This is hard, and a lot of women don’t know they’re nagging. For men, anything that has been repeated thrice or more even if your voice is low, it’s already nagging. You have to know when to shut up. Nagging is weakness and remember we’re powerful women. There are ways in getting what you want without uttering any words, or just saying a little. (More on that later!)

6. Don’t speak hurtful words. 

Some couples are too comfortable with each other that anything they think, they express it and say it to their partners, no matter how awful those words may be. I know that sometimes, it’s not easy to control our emotions and we just want to explode and say everything in our minds, but you have to pause and shut your mouth, because you can never take your words back. Don’t tell him he’s an asshole, that he’s irresponsible, lazy, stupid, boring, ugly, and many other confidence-sucking words, even if he really is. If you really do think that and you can’t bear it, why not just break up with him? Always see his good side, because if you are grateful for who he is and you see past his flaws, that’s love. If you can’t. accept it, you’re not in love and you have to break up. You don’t deserve to get married, or else you might end up having a broken family and ruin your children’s lives.

Men have hearts too. They are wonderful human beings that are misunderstood most of the time. Try to give them a chance and understand how their hearts work.

I know this may sound like a lot of hardwork and self-control, but love is selfless and mutual. Add to that the fact that the rewards are so amazing, you’ll later tell yourself that every effort is worth it. Think – flowers, travels, random surprises, romantic dates, a loving partner who’ll always be there for you.


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