I was single for 4 years. It was a rough, but happy, exciting and life changing journey. My single years was one of the best moments of my life. Today, I am happily married with my greatest love, and I believe that the reason why is that is because I was happily single as well. I and myself had a blast during those 4 years.
When I was single, I used to ask myself a lot of questions before I enter a relationship with someone I am dating. After that unfortunate love affair with my ex, I didn’t engage with anyone for a very long time. I became more careful. I didn’t believe that it’s him, not me. I knew that it was something about the both of us that didn’t make it work. I needed to know what my issue was, so I tried to reflect for sometime. Am I ready to fall in love? Do I have the qualities one must possess to have a lasting relationship? Am I someone worth marrying? And my answer to those questions was always no. I knew that I have to work on myself first before dealing with another person. So I did.
Most people often disregard their relationship with themselves. They are too focused on having and maintaining a connection with other people when they need to be working on their relationship with themselves first. This is a sacred time that everyone must experience.
Why do you need to date yourself? You need to date yourself because you have to fall in love with you first, before you do for anybody else. You have to get to know who you really are, appreciate yourself for your good qualities, accept your flaws, workout the things that you don’t like about you, and finally, feel true love for you. If you can give you the love that you have always dreamed of, you will not settle for less. You will only accept the love you deserve. Add to that the fact that you will not feel needy to anyone else. You will not need their love, their attention because you can give it to yourself. And being independent is not only emotionally healthy, but is also very attractive.
I’m sure, you have fell in love with some people, that regardless of what they do, you still think they’re the greatest person alive. I hope you feel the same way about you too. That whenever you experience failure, whenever you see your flaws, whenever you had been at your downest times, you would still think that you’re the best. When you do, that’s the only time that you can say that you are ready to fall in love with someone else.
My husband once told me that his officemates once asked him, what made him marry me? What made me special? He told them that it’s my independence that’s what he liked about me most. He feels that I don’t need him, that I am giving him enough space for his own growth, yet I still manage to make him feel loved. He feels that I am happy with or without him. He isn’t pressured to be responsible for someone else’s happiness, because I can take care of my own. That’s the kind of person that he wants to marry and would do anything for to make her happy. The kind of girl that can live without him, but chose to spend her life with him. This stuff makes him feel honored and special.
If you didn’t know, I was once very needy with my ex. I wanted him to call me every damn time. I wanted him to spend all of his free hours with me. (Whenever I remember those memories, I cringe a little. Ugh.) But that’s not the case now with my current relationship. What happened that changed me? I dated myself for four years. And we had the greatest times of our lives. We still do!
How to date yourself?
It’s very simple. Just think of what your dream date will be like. Instead of making it a dream date that your dream guy would do for you someday, why not be the one to make it happen?
Here are some of my suggestions on how to date yourself:
- Buy yourself flowers.
- Go see a movie you like.
- Go to a classy restaurant and give yourself a treat.
- Go on a hike. Spend the day appreciating nature.
- Go to the beach.
- Tell yourself you’re beautiful.
- Travel more.
- Give yourself a romantic gift that you always wanted.
- Go have a movie marathon at home.
- Go on a picnic.
- Go to an amusement park.
- Buy yourself a beautiful jewelry.
- Drink some wine at home and chill.
- Go to a museum.
- Hug and support yourself when you feel down.
- Write yourself a love letter.
- Go on a roadtrip while soundtripping and foodtripping.
- Cook yourself a romantic dinner.
- Watch a concert.
- Don’t have sex with someone you don’t love. You deserve respect. Take great care of yourself.
- Go to the zoo.
- Do yoga everyday.
- Watch a sports game.
- Go on an adventure.
- Watch a play.
- Get a small (or big if you are that adventurous) tattoo of something you love so much and are passionate about.
- Book a hotel room, have some wine, candles and bubble bath, download some female porn or read erotica, and have some self lovin’. 😉
- Sing yourself a love song.
- Treat yourself to a spa.
- Give yourself a treat to a workshop that you always want to learn.
- Get yourself a pet. It can be a living or a nonliving thing. It can be a rock, a dog or a fish. Someone you can speak to when you will feel lonely and longing for love.
- Draw yourself.
- Listen to empowering songs.
- Make something for yourself.
- Take note of what you like and what you don’t like.
- Tell yourself I love you everyday.
Even if I’m married now, I still continue to date me. It is the healthy thing to do! Show yourself some love you deserve! Promise, you’ll stop feeling the need to be filled up by someone else, because your tank of love is already full.