Self-security is something I’m not very familiar with back then. I used to struggle with how I would present myself to the world because, well, it’s hard. People are judgmental, and I am lousy. I used to spend a lot of time seeking ways to achieve legit confidence. There are lots of tips that I’ve discovered from different books, blogs and self-help videos that gave really great ways, but somehow gave short-term results for me. I tried figuring out on my own what approaches really work and these are what I found out:
1. Discover your purpose.
This is not a very common tip but yes, this is the most effective way. I used to believe that if I become prettier, and sexier, I’ll be confident, but then I realized in the long run, the confidence this provides is short-lived. What if I get fat again? What if a pimple pops into my face? What if I age? Will I go back to my insecure self again? So, I tried to figure out what REALLY brings out true confidence. Eventually I gave up because nothing worked. Then I forgot all about it and just focused on searching for the reasons why I exist in this world. When I figured out the things that I want to do for the rest of my existence, what difference I want to make for humankind, and started taking steps to that road that would lead me there, I stopped thinking much about myself, and started focusing on the good things I could do for other people, and that’s the first time I felt true confidence.
2. Create something.
We are too busy to even think about how people perceive us when we’re preoccupied with a project. If you spend most of your time creating music, sewing clothes, painting art, writing scripts, filming videos, shaping youth through your wisdom, designing stuff and many other forms of creation one could be doing, you are too focused to even think about yourself. You will be less vain if you are mindful of other things than you. This makes you more interesting and makes people love you more, which will make you even feel more confident. Always keep in mind, vanity isn’t sexy.
3. Look your best.
I may have said earlier that looking great gives you short-term self-validation, but that didn’t mean it won’t help in achieving that legit feeling of security. It can definitely speed up your confidence boost process. It will make you feel good instantly. So put a little make up on, start working out, eat healthy and dress up!
4. Feel loved.
We are insecure because we lack love for ourselves. We have a “love tank” to be filled for us to get through the days. This tank should best be filled up by the love from our family and friends, yet, not all people are lucky and some don’t even have parents and friends to love them to begin with. That’s why they try to seek validation from other people, in most cases, from a partner. That’s the reason why some people tolerate being abused in their relationships because they settle with this consolation of feeling “loved” and “wanted”. This is dangerous. People should start loving themselves first. It’s going to be a process. It’s not an easy journey, but if you believe that you are worthy of love, you will be worthy of love. Go travel. Spend time alone. Have fun with yourself. Go to the movies and listen to music “together”. Make yourself laugh. Talk to yourself. Tell yourself “I love You”. Experience solitude and be comfortable with your own company. Another way to feel loved is to believe in the greater force (a.k.a. God). Let him love you. Believe that something greater than all of us is out there watching us, and loving us no matter what.
5. Be happy!
6. Stop thinking that the world revolves around you.
Just stop thinking too much about yourself and care for the world. Humankind needs love. Think about the starving, the homeless and the disabled. Think about what things you can do for them. You are a lucky human being. The fact that you’re reading this makes you more than capable of helping a hand. Help someone, make them feel good, and see how that would make you feel. Spread joy and share love.
I realize that it’s very easy to be confident. To simply put it, just start adding value to the world, and everything else will be great in your life. No need to validate yourself because your purpose will do it for you.